just trying to figure out what to do

Im really hating my self right now all i do is make mistake after mistake and destroy everything xxxxxxxxx
Ive really upset SJ and i dont know how to sort it xx i dont fully know whats wrong to be honest xxxxxxxxxx
All i know is that im an idiot and a bad boyfriend right now xxxxx and that i was a total arse to her xxxxxxxxx
I really dont deserve her and i really dont want to lose her xxxxxxxxxxxx
I love her so so much and really cant wait to see her xxxxxxxxxxx
But if i continue like this then she isnt even going to want to see me and i will of lost everything xxxxxxxxxxx
Im already losing the will to live xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

loving my perfect girl

I really really love SJ she always knows how to make me feel happy and how to cheer me up xxxxxxxxxx
Shes my dreams come true and makes me so happy xxxxxxxx
I really cant wait till easter and to be able to see her xxxxxxxxx

love you babe
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cousins baby

today has been really good ive met my cousins new baby boy edward and he is really cute xxxxxx
i also found out i cannot hold a baby lol :p xxxxxxx
i really really love sj and were really good again xxxxxxxx
i miss her so much and cant wait till easter when i can see her again xxxxxxxxxx
it will be amazing expecially to celebrate our first year together xxxxxxxxxxxxx

feeling good

I feel good for the first time in along time and its because of 2 reasons xxxxx
The first is because i had a really talk with SJ last night and she made me feel great xxxxxxx
And that led on to me sleeping well because i was happy and relaxed and that made me feel less ill xxxxxxxx
I really cant belive im off to florida on thurday i will really miss talking to SJ while im there though xxxxxxxxxx

I really really love you babe i dont know what id do without xxxxxxxx
Your perfect i couldnt ask for anything more xxx you are kind x caring x loving x beautiful x xxxxxxx
And you always know what to say to cheer me up x and i know i can tell you anything and you will always help me xxxxxxxxxx

Im glad i can call you mine and i cant wait for our futre together :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Love you
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:/ mood

i really dont know what to do right now xxxx
my heads spinning xxx
sjs annoyed with me xxxx
jacks in hospital xxxxx
and my parents keep having ago at me xxxxxxx
i just dont know why life has to be so difficult xxxxx
and why it always has to be me who gets hurt xxxxxxxx

hmmmmmmmm

Why do people who you think are your mates have to have one arguement and the decide they are going to stab you in the back and lie about you saying you cheated on the most importent person in your life when you didnt.

I really love sj and i dont want to lose her because she means everything to me and i cant live without her xxxx i need to find a way to sort this because i never cheated on her and i never will xxxxxxx

:/ mood

I just dunno why but everything seems to be just crashing down on me at the moment xxx
im losing friends, im getting bullied and beaten up, sj seems off with me and im getting really stressed over exams which is making everything 10 times worse xxxxx

Sometimes i wonder why i even bother with my life i just wish i was dead quite alot of the time right now xxxxxxxxxxxx and i really am considering killing my self or just running away from my problems xxxxxxxxxx